Wednesday, August 13, 2014


This is  a long post,  but not very long, which  follows a very short post on the same topic.  It comes at a very  inauspicious time,  I have one post on the New York governor's system to write, and another post on  Jill Newberry's fourth string quartet,  so this had better be important.  Fortunately,  or unfortunately, it is. Would that I had EE Cummings gift of ignoring punctuation.

Depression is the name people give to what Robin Williams did to himself.  Most people,  who are not aware of what it is,  try and make sense of it.  Mostly, however, they get it wrong.  Because what his going on his probably a single nerve cell,  and many of the surrounding nerve cells are telling the person to get help now.  And every so often,  they don't.  And then they die.  And so someone without the condition will try and reason with it,  thinking that it is complex.

I would like you to think differently about it.  There is quite probably one nerve cell that is trying to take the person out,  and a whole host of nerve cells trying to get that not to happen.  Finally one nerve cell gets it right, and sets off a chain which leads to Death.

On the black board ( ),  there is one person who has already shown the signs, though I can't know to be sure,  of being a follower of Robert Williams in the death cycle. You see,  every person who is famous drags several more who are not famous along with them.  But even not famous people will kill themselves when the nerve system requires it.  Again it is only one brain cell,  or group of  brain cells,  that are doing this.  Out of millions of them.

When I was in my late 20s,  a person who was on a compositional list committed suicide.  I had had discussions with him in the weeks up to his death,  but they were short,  and I did not know he was depressed.  But this was the first time,  and I had a feeling that this would happen again.  But did.   Aaron Swartz  was another case.  He had some of the same defects of personality. People who were living close to him did not realize,  because they were too close to him,  while  other people could tell, but  were not close to him  were not listened to,  because why should they?  It is not the fault of people who were close  to  him,  they saw the trees, and did not recognize them for what they were.  This is a pattern.

There were a couple of examples in addition  to these.  This is why I am writing this,  it sets off a chain that leads me to the conclusion that one brain cell, or  very small cluster, sets about destroying the entire brain capacity.  This is because my AVM destroyed my personality,  even though some of the symptoms,  such as the depression,  were not the same.  I'm not saying that I had the very same condition, but I understand how much damage one nerve cell can do. One. That is because one brain cell was connected differently from the rest,  the one  nerve cell in my case didn't have the destructive link to depression,  so it was definitely not the same thing at all.  But it has the similarity of feature that makes me think there is something related. There are also a number of famous individuals, such as Hemingway,  who also took their lives.  There is something about people like myself that accumulates other people.  and many of these people are dealing with the effects of depression.

Anyway, in Robin Williams case,  and in a number of other cases,  the other nerve cells tried to attenuate  the damage  nerve cell,  until finally they could not.  And as I said,  they killed themselves.
This condition means that one nerve cell is trying to kill the whole brain structure.  Ordinary people, who are not wired to kill them selves,  try and make up complicated reasons,  because they think it must be very complicated.  It isn't,  is just that one nerve cell gets ready to pop all at once.  That is why I want to introduce a single theory:  of one brain cell which is trying to kill,  and I mean one brain cell  or a very small cluster,  not a very large cluster,  eventually gets what it wants,  and sets off a chain that leads to death.  This is because it doesn't take that much to do.  And the other nerve cells,  which were trying to warn them,  didn't get through to the outside time.  Again,  this is not the fault of the outside, I'm saying things which have not been said before,  so it's no one's fault.

Ordinary people,  who don't have this condition,  go off completely in the wrong direction.  They think it is complicated,  because they are trying to figure out what would make them do it.  But since they don't have the defect,  they launch in to  a completely wrong direction.  The reality is that one nerve cell wants to kill,  and nerve cells that don't want this to happen,  signal the rest of them that it will.    Aaron Swartz was my last, artistic, effect,  now  I am going to be blunt:  this is a brain malfunction,   and the rest of the brain knows it,  but no one outside the brain does.  This is because most of the people don't realize what one nerve cell can do.  think about everyone you know,  and contact them.  It is important.

Related Posts